May 25, 2007
I'm my biggest obstacle
9:32AM

Many of you have asked me how I am doing on my weight loss. Well, last I had checked (2 weeks ago) I had lost 15lbs. I think I have lost a few more since then. I am in my jeans that were several inches away from buttoning a few month ago, and I can breath nicely. I have one month from today before I leave on vacation to loose the rest of the weight to make my goal of 30 lbs lost. . Did I mention that this is the first over 2-day vacation where I am going to be completely unavailable even by phone since before I had my daughter? She is seven now.

Many of you have been asking me how I am losing the weight. My answer is not as easily as I have done in the past. In the last two months, I have hired a new Mystic, another has left as her path was very full and she needed to focus elsewhere; I found out that my classes were too big to continue without a city Conditional Use Permit, and I am still waiting to here on it; I had to renegotiate my lease, which didn't go as well or as easy as I had hoped; I found out that someone I respected and still consider a friend did something that could effect me and had done it behind my back (I understand this now and really have no hard feelings, but it did hurt when I first found out.); I started looking for a new location for the store; and my daughter turned seven in April and now thinks she knows everything and can argue like a professional debater. All of these obstacles plus my own negative emotions about needing to loose weight AGAIN in the first place made me one stubborn and unhappy dieter.

So how am I doing it? With a lot of prayer; a lot of support from Tony; pure stubbornness; and by understanding I tend to be ruled by my emotions, or more specifically by my fear. I recognized that I was making everything about me and no matter what excuses I could make, the only true obstacle was and always is my own mind. One of Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements is "Do not take things personally." How big is my ego to think that The City and my land lord has something against me personally? How much of a victim roll do I need to take to believe that my friend set out to do something behind my back, when she was only working toward her own goals and does not need to report to me. How much fear do I need to walk through when I was thinking I had to move, instead of first putting my energies into making a compromise here. How can I not forgive myself for my past transgressions with food if I am going to have a healthy relationship with it from now on?

When you tell Spirit and others that you want to change a negative pattern in your life, you will be tested. I believe I am passing the test. No flying colors or strait A's for me, I am still a human on my earthly path. But, I have lost and continue to loose the weight. Portion control being the first issue and making sure I am eating the right amount of all four food groups (plus dark chocolate in moderation.) Although I am not specifically recommending any one plan for anyone else, I will tell you that I am using LA Weight Loss. I have a love-hate relationship with them. I love the plan because it is easy to follow and I can eat my own foods, frozen dinners, or at restaurants. I am honestly not liking the new counselors there now. I miss the older, wiser counselors who have been there and can talk to me from experience, not from the training manual. But, they are doing their job and it is not up to them if I go off plan or loose the weight. It is up to me and my attitude.

Speaking of attitudes, I had a horrible one in the beginning. I found I was tired all the time, I wasn't sleeping. No matter how much coffee I drank, I was always walking around in a fog. This made it really difficult to stay on track because when I am tired, I just don't care. I am strongly against taking any supplements or pills that will unnaturally change my metabolism "homeopathic" or other wise. I had done enough of that in my younger wilder years. But I needed to do something. So I went to Sprouts, a natural food store, and talked to the manager of the vitamin and herb counter. She asked me specific questions about my feminine cycle, my schedule and my eating and started me on a regimen of vitamins that my body was lacking including iron and most importantly B12. I can not believe the word of difference this has made in my life. I feel as thought I can function again. Now when I am faced with my obstacles I can think clearly and focus on the solution and the goal. I strongly recommend that if you hare having difficulties like I was to talk to a specialist and make sure that your body is getting the basic vitamins and minerals that it needs for it and your brain to function properly.

Now that everything is functioning properly, I feel good and more dedicated to taking care of my temple, my body, that houses my God-Self. I am learning the true meaning of "discipline", not as a punishment or a serial killer's mind, but as a means to make order from chaos and silence from the thoughts that are my fears. I am regaining my true self and able to look forward to the positive in my life and my personal, professional, and Spiritual goals as they, like we, are truly all one.

“…with God nothing shall be impossible,” Luke 1:39